This sounds like it should be a new band title and not day whatever of my writings. However, I am sticking to the commitment I made to myself to continue on this path of self exploration. My why for this is that is I have goals and dreams I want to accomplish but often feel like I am holding myself back. I want to break free of what is holding me back when it comes to three parts of my life. I will start to break these down daily with the hopes I can see the false beliefs I tell myself. These beliefs that keep me in my comfort zone and stop me from becoming the person I want to be in my life.

1. My career
2. My relationships
3. My health

In digging in here I have done some more reading on the things I studied in college. I noticed that when I run, around mile 3, my mind begins to tell me “that’s enough.” It begins to barter with me and I begin to think that even though I set out for a 5 mile run, 4 is still a good run. I love to run and I am really proud of the distance I am covering so I was perplexed as to why this was happening. Some days early on I listened to the voice and now I just acknowledge and let it pass. Keep running. I feel like this is my ego. Keeping me in check. Keeping me inside my comfort zone. Once I realized the voice in my mind is not the truth, I am able to let it pass. Saturday’s run I even giggled when it started and said to myself, “not today.” If my ego is designed to keep me safe and in my comfort zone on my runs, where else is it holding me back in my life.

I listened to a podcast in April and it really hit home. As I listened, I took notes and answered the questions the speaker, Kathrin, was asking. I listened to it again yesterday and did the exercise again. The podcast is The Manifestation Babe podcast. It is episode 144: The real reason why you’re not where you want to be. In this episode she talks about there being a reason behind how your current situation is benefiting you more than changing it. There is a story we are telling ourselves where the consequences of not taking action are outweighed by the beliefs and perceived benefits we are holding around our current situation. I feel like this episode will be a go to episode for me as I continue to discover more about myself.

The two questions she asked in the podcast that have me thinking are; 1) what are all the reason right now (beliefs) why I’m not going after what I want? How is my current story with even false beliefs benefiting me? 2) What are the consequences of not going after my dreams?

Taking these questions and applying them to my career was both easy and eye opening for me. In fact as I did this exercise across all three areas of my life where I feel stuck, I can tell that I have two core beliefs that are running my life. The first one is fear. The second one is comfort.

At one point in our evolution, fear was a good thing and kept us safe and alive. For most of us in life now, fear is what stops us from doing things we want. Sometimes its a good stop and in my case, often times, it is holding me back. I fear failure. So much of who I am is wrapped up in my career that I feel if my career fails, I am a failure. Outside of the things I mentioned in other posts, having to be responsible, financial instability in my early life and marriage, fear drives my overworking. I can’t be seen as less than by anyone. I know some of it stems from being born with a cleft and being praised for the things I accomplished versus who I was, but that’s another post for another day. Here are a few of my false beliefs holding me back.

I don’t know all the laws I need, in order to open my own consulting company. I’m afraid people won’t think what I know in the industry is “good enough.” I wont be able to take care of my grown children if they need help. I won’t be able to save for retirement if I leave this job now.

The consequences of not going after my dreams are two fold. One is that I miss the chance to be successful. What if I launch my consulting company and my passion for running centers and making agent lives better, comes through and I do incredibly well. I could be more successful than I am now and wont need to stress about my financial future. The second part of not going after my dreams means that I stay where I am right now. In a good job, making good money. A job that is far too easy for me although far too stressful. I stay comfortable. Making more money than I ever have in my life. My golden handcuffs firmly attached.

And that my friends is the crux of why my current situation is benefiting me more than changing it regardless of wanting to pursue my dream, run my own business, change lives of agents. My comfort zone is secure. My ego is in line with society expectations of me and my finances are protected. I need to acknowledge this false belief system and pursue my passion. Fail or no fail at least I will have tried.

My relationships coming in part two