I am sure after reading multiple posts about rape that you might be, “well here is another one.” I am so mad about the recent things I am reading on blogs and Twitter that I need an outlet. So bear with me.

I will caveat the post by saying I am writing about women who are raped. I know men and boys are raped as well but I dont feel educated enough to write from their perspective. I am a woman so I will stick to what I know in no disrespect for the suffering of men and boys who endure this terrible fate.

As a women I must always remain on guard and vigilant. This is what I am told and it is only reinforced by the recent Stanford rape case. As I read the victim’s letter I was moved to tears. In the blink of an eye her life was made a nightare and one she will fight to regain for the rest of it. With good therapy maybe she will be able to walk alone in a park or through a parking garage without her heart punding, palms sweaty, feeling like she wants to just run. Maybe she will trust and love again in her life. Hopefully she is not online reading what others think SHE should have done to not get raped. Sad to think that part of raising a daughter is teaching HER how not to be raped. Maybe I will write a childrens book called, Dont Rape Me and Other Things Young Girls Should Know.  If you think that is ridiculous go online right now and read comments from both men and women who think it’s needed.

  • Rape 1 – Woman raped while drinking
  • Response 1 – She should have drank less so she would not have allowed herself to be in that position
  • Rape 2 – Woman not drunk, raped while walking home
  • Response 2 – She should have kown better than to be walking alone or in that neighborhood
  • Rape 3 – Woman raped while out with friends at a club
  • Response 3 – She should have dressed more appropriatly. She was showing a lot of skin. 
  • Rape 4 – Woman raped in her home
  • Response 4 – Did she have her door locked? Why was she so trusting and open her door

We live in a victim blaming society and I have had enough. I am a grown woman and I should be able to go to a park or walk in a parking garage without holding my keys like a weapon. I should not be nervous when the cable guy comes to install my new system. I should not have to call 911 if I get pulled over at night to verify the man pulling me over is a cop and even if so, worry that he will assault me. I should be able to go to a bar and have drinks with friends without going to the bathroom or to our cars as a group to be sure we all get home safe. I should not have to make myself familiar with the emergency call boxes on my college campus so when I walk home from a late class I can call for help. I should not have to wear rape whistles or carry pepper spray when I take the dog out after dark. In the end, after all of my guard and vigilance, if I have a moment where I have one more drink, take the quick route home, trust a stranger and I am raped, I will be blamed. 

As a man I would be outraged. What this says about you is that you are uncontrollable, sexual beings with no self control or knowledge of right from wrong. You can’t help but see clevage or thighs and have to have it. You will do anything and take anything or anyone to be fulfilled. You are not intellignet, loving beings who nurture and protect. You are wild animals that are only held at bay by guarded, vigilant women. This is what it says every time you tell the VICTIM she should have known, done or been better. If this outrages you, change the dialogue. Stop the conversation mid stream and proclaim the only person to blame for rape, IS THE RAPIST.

Help give women and girls their lives back. Help us live a little less concerned that it’s not if we are assaulted in our lives, but when.


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